what if?

what and if are two words that are not as threatening as words come. but if you put them side by side, it will have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. what if? -- Letters to Juliet

i'm supposed to be preparing and reflecting over the pre-work given to us by the AYLC secretariat. i'm supposed to be doing my blood smears. i'm supposed to be studying AUBF and hematology. i'm supposed to be reading literature about our thesis paper. and i'm not supposed to be thinking about him.

as i rummage my thoughts today, and as i watch the movie Enchanted, i can't help but think of the memories that i am able to share with this little special someone who has been a great part of my life ever since i knew how love feels.

well, you can't really say whom you'll fall in love with, right?

it's been a while since i checked my heart of it's status. and well, nothing has changed, and i guess, it will not change, yet.

so, what if? what if i will really fall for him so deeply? what if i'll never get over this feeling? what if i will always love him even after years? and what if he'll be able to find the girl of his dreams? what will happen to me then?

confused, with nowhere to go, that's how i perfectly describe myself now. it's not that i'm bothered because he and i can't be together forever. well, i just don't know what will happen to me when the time comes that the two of us have to go on our separate ways.

i know there's no way for me to get what i really want. i know that isn't the plan God has set for me. he has his life to live; i have my own too. and too bad we don't meet at the point which i consider to be magical.

friends. yes, that's how we ought to become forever. friends. yes, that's what we are to each other. best friends. yes, that's what we will be for the rest of our lives.

looking on the other side of the story.. what if? what if he will fall for me too? what if it has been decided that we will be together forever? what if destiny works out for me? what if??

but i know it's not happening and it will never happen. and so what? i am contented of where i am now. i have him after all: HE IS MY BESTFRIEND :)

love may not work the way i want it to. but one thing i have learned is that in love, people don't really have to engage themselves in a committed relationship -- as long as there is this bond of connection between two hearts; as long as two hearts care for each other; as long as love never fades over time, even miles apart.

so now... what if?